$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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