Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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