Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
