like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
