Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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