Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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