I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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