ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
