He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
