When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
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and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
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It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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