i think my mom watched the whole time
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wish you could order shots online.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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