I'm lost and stupid without you.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
