You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
