Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
