Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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