YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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