I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
