Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
