Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
