i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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