my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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