Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
