Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
