what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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