I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
