Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
