She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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