I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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