is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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