she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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