Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
