ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dick very happy bro
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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