You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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