I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
