it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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