we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
