was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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