Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
