This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
