Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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