I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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