im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
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Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
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Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
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