I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
