I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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