My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
the liver wants what the liver wants
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
