Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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