found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
