Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
