She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
