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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My pussy is not your playground.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
