I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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