one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
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An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
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I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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