Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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