Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
