I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
