if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
