Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
