worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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