Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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