I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is wine microwaveable?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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