Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
