so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
