he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
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There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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