I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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