She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
