eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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