So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
