whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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