Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
