Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
