She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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