Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
