i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Randomize
