strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
