That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
