i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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