tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
